


Goodnight, Black

by Aya Ravensong (thMaddHatter)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Break Up, Gay Sirius Black, James Potter mentioned only, M/M, Marauders' Era, One Shot, Peter Pettigrew mentioned only, Severus Snape mentioned only, The Incident, no happy ending, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7633423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thMaddHatter/pseuds/Aya%20Ravensong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius fucked up. He <i>really</i> fucked up...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodnight, Black

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a larger AU that I am just never going to continue with. I really like this scene though, so I posted it as a stand alone.
> 
> It makes sense without context to me, so please let me know if it actually doesn't.

Sirius was a moron. He was a stupid, stupid, selfish, _moron_!

Everything had been fine. He'd finally been honest with himself and accepted the fact that he was definitely gay. More than that, he accepted the fact that he was 90% sure that Remus was his soulmate.

Everything was going perfectly. He'd worked up the courage to confess to the werewolf and by some unfathomable miracle, Remus had admitted he'd felt the same way. Both of those idiots had been silently pining over each other for years, but they'd finally gotten their shit together and become an official couple.

James and Peter had even responded to the news well. Peter had been a little distant and cautious at first, but he quickly got over it. And James was, well he was James. Sirius could have told him he planned to live his life out as a female and join a muggle monastery as a nun and James wouldn't have batted an eyelash. So things had continued on as usual. Except that it was better because now he had his Moony.

He could snog the boy whenever he wanted. He felt no shame in touching him all the time. They were all still able to get up to their usual antics, but now he and Moony could sneak a shag in every once in a while (Much more than that if he were being honest).

He'd been riding on cloud 9 for the past 3 months. Everything was working out well. Even his grades had seemed to be getting better for no real reason.

But he should have known better. Sirius was a complete fuck up and he should have known he would eventually ruin things for himself.

And ruin them he did.

He wished he could blame the whole thing on Snivellus. He really did. The greasy haired git should have kept his unusually large nose out of the Marauders' business and he would have never found out about he and Remus. He would have never approached him all high and mighty and threaten to tell Sirius' brother, which surely meant that the news would travel to his parents and he'd be in a world of trouble.

So Sirius panicked. He could feel the heavenly clouds slipping out from under his feet, so he freaked out. He said the first thing he could think of that would get the prat off his back and out of his way for good. As soon as he'd said the words, he committed to them, and rationalized, and without a second thought, sealed his own fate.

He'd gone thinking that he'd kept himself from falling off of cloud 9, when in reality he'd just ripped the entire world out from his own feet, and he only had himself to blame.

James was of course, furious. Even Peter was obviously disappointed in him. After what felt like hours of James laying into him while Peter nodded along behind him, the blue eyed boy left Sirius alone with his thoughts and self pity.

He hadn't stayed alone for long. Shortly after, Remus came into the dorm and began silently getting ready for an early night. He didn't say a word to Sirius or even turned his head to look in his direction.

The quiet in the room was oppressive enough to choke on, and Sirius couldn't stand to have it bearing down on him for more than a few seconds.

"Remus," he whispered, nearly loud enough to echo in the weighted silence. "I'm so sorry. I'm a complete idiot."

Remus scoffed at the admission, but otherwise continued to ignore him, carefully undressing so as not to disturb any of his new wounds.

"I wasn't thinking at all," he continued. "He was going to tell my parents about us and I panicked. He was going to ruin everything for me so-"

"So you decided to ruin everything for me instead?" Remus cut him off, practically snarling as he whipped around to face the heir head on.

"Of course not-"

"Oh, that's right," he talked over him again, sarcasm dripping from every word. "You weren't thinking about me, of course not. You were too busy planning on _murdering_ someone to think about me, or how it would have effected me. It doesn't matter that I would have done the one thing I feared the most. The one thing that would ruin me, and you know that!

“It doesn't matter that if your plan had succeeded and I'd killed him that it would be grounds for me to be _executed_! But it's okay, because you just weren't thinking. You weren't thinking of any of that because you were too busy trying to get another boy killed so you could save your own skin!" As he spoke, Remus' voice grew louder and louder until finally he was shouting.

"It's not like that at all!" Sirius tried to defend himself, but the werewolf was having none of it.

"Oh yeah? Then, what was it like?" he snapped.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. He had nothing to say because that's exactly what happened. He might not have worked out each thought individually, but that was definitely the way the cogs were turning in his head.

Remus scoffed at him again, shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't know what to feel worse about. The fact that I thought I knew you. I thought I loved you. I never would have thought you'd do something like that. But apparently I was wrong." Those last words turned sour as he crossed his arms over his chest and huffed in frustration.

"Apparently, I don't know you at all. The boy I fell in love with was the one who worked tirelessly to reach his animagus form so he could be with me on the full moon, so he could protect me. The one who spurned the dark arts and turned his back on his family because he was too moral, too caring, too noble to stoop to their level. He was too full of love to be as hateful and mean as them. I don't know where that boy went to, but he sure as hell wasn't here last night."

"Remus," Sirius pled. "I'm still me. That's still who I am. I just made a mistake-"

"No." Remus shook his head. "The person standing in front of me is selfish and cruel. He's thoughtless and spiteful. He'd fit in great with the rest of the Black family. That is not my friend. That is not who I-" Remy's cut himself off as his voice began to break and his eyes filled with tears. Sirius tried to reach out and comfort him, but that was the wrong move. Remus jumped back and recoiled away from him, shaking his head no before turning around and finally changing into his pajamas as if the heir wasn't even standing there.

He continued to ignore the boy, even as he let out a distressed noise from the back of his throat. Sirius was fighting to hold back tears of his own and his voice shook the next time he tried to speak.

"Moony, please..."

After pulling his pajama top down, Remus glared over his shoulder at Sirius. "You don't get to call me that," Remus hissed at him. "Only my _friends_ get to call me that."

The words stopped Sirius in his tracks. He was even sure that for a moment his heart stopped beating, and couldn't be positive that his brain hadn't short circuited.

"Moony..." Sirius' voice was barely above a whisper. "I am your friend..."

"No, you're not." Remus ripped open the curtain around his bed and none too gently tossed the duvet back. "You're not anything to me. Not anymore."

Those words echoed through Sirius' bones, leaving cracks and breaks in their wake as a path for his body to follow as he prepared to shatter.

"But Remus..." His voice was barely a breath as all the oxygen had already been siphoned from his lungs, leaving his throat dry and constricting. "I love you."

Remus climbed into his bed and sat there a moment, trying to keep his tears from falling. He failed and they spilled down his cheeks. He forced back a sob before taking a deep, steadying breath.

In a strong, stable voice Remus said, "Goodnight, _Black,"_ and snatched the curtain back shut.

Sirius overheard him casting a silencing charm around his bed. Remus was done talking and had nothing else to say.

That's when Sirius fell apart.

**Author's Note:**

> You can imagine it ends however you like. Technically, you can even think of it ending so that everything returns to canon. But if you wanted to know...
> 
>  
> 
> I hadn't intended for them to get back together. Sirius gets shunned by the Marauders and Lily can't figure out why. She just finds him sad and mildly tolerable, so she decides to befriend him. Sirius' relationship with the Marauders is never returned to what it once was.


End file.
